12:45 PM.
He entered into the coffee house, sitting in one of the reserved seats. He’ll be meeting with his best friend for the first time in months.
He saw the clock ticking away from a quarter to 1. I can see that toothy grin inside him. He’s so excited.
1:00 PM.
Time has started, but you are not yet in the coffee house. I took a glimpse at your house. You haven’t started changing your clothes or even taking a bath. What’s wrong with you?
1:11 PM.
I get it. Your boyfriend came into your house. Had a talk, had a quick lunch and flirt with each other. I can even see that you don’t even remember that you have an appointment. Is it because you’re forgetful or is it because your boyfriend made you forget it?
Too bad I can see your best friend’s fate already and you don’t.
2:30 - 2:40 PM.
More than a hour has already passed, and your best friend’s still stuck in the coffee house alone.
He noticed his phone ringing. You called him, telling that you can’t come today for you are busy with your upcoming tests. Yes, you are indeed busy with it… and flirting with your love bird again in your house. You didn’t tell him the truth.
2:40 - 2:53 PM.
He walked through memory lane for the ten thousandth time. He drowned himself with depression, knowing that he doesn’t get to spend time with you unlike before.
Yeah, he knows and understands your current situation right now: You are happy with your intimate relationship right now. It’s just that he has no other friend unlike you - he trusts you so much, he loves you so much as a friend.
3:00 PM - 3:14 PM.
A guy entered the coffee house. He happened to be an employee of the establishment that was recently fired by the boss. With a gun, he screamed to everyone to shut their mouth or their heads will exploded with gun shots. He wants all of the money in the cashier for he is desperate of earning for his two sibling’s tuition fees.
Your friend is still stuck in the house, accompanied by clerks and other customers shaking in nervousness. Coffee is still filtering, but everyone fears that they might smell crimson as well.
3:27 - 3:34 PM.
The criminal is getting impatient with the cashier throwing all the money into his bag. He intimidates her that he’ll pull the trigger, forcing her to work faster.
Meanwhile, your best friend is with the other customers around his table, on their knees and scared that they would die in just one bullet through the chest or on the cranium. But one of them had a plan and whispered it to your best friend.
With a chair, he ran after the criminal’s back and smashed the object with it. Taking advantage of the distraction, the others ran through the exit door. He followed them quickly after that.
3:50 PM.
You are in your sofa, sighing in boredom. Your love bird is caressing your hair when the news flashed on the television screen. A criminal made a scene into the coffee house that you were supposed to be at this very moment. You saw your friend’s name over there and tears rolled down your cheeks.
He did went out of the coffee house with the others. But without getting two deadly shots in the back of his head. Aside from the criminal who was gunned down by the police, he’s the only one who died in the scene.
Too bad your last conversation with your best friend is several months ago. Now, you wanted to talk to him?
-
I’m Dan Hellbound.
Hmm… Generally, the turn of event should make the reader go, “WTF? That’s so sad.”
But then, since I’m fond of tragic stories, I think as a tragedy, I really love how it turned out at the end. I would love to see how the person’s face would turn out. Will he be shocked? Will his body turn numb? Or will he break down and cry? Will he be regretful of it and carry the burden within him for the rest of his life? Things like that.
But if it happened in real life, I’m sorry for being cold.
Dan!!! Honesty… natawa ako [kelan ba inde] wahahah ang kuletz haha ang stupid nung namatay peo inde ko alam kung cnu na dedz baka inde ko nabasa .. cge basahin ko ulit >_<
I liked it overall as a metaphor (if it was indeed meant to be a metaphor ^^;;)
One hell of a tragic story. And I do like stories that have tragic endings for that matter.
Some people are too ungrateful with their lives and with the lives of those who love and care for them.
For some reason, this entry of yours reminds me of mine that I created a few years ago back in my emoish days. It was entitled “I Killed Christ.” Hahahaha. Good times, good times.
Euri: I would have written it at the end, but I let the one being bad-mouthed by the narrator to find out what he looks like in the end. Different interpretations, yes.
Mikee: Read it again, so you’ll comprehend.
Ann: It is a metaphor. Hoping that one of the readers get struck by the message.
Jake The Miserable: Death waits for no one, an embodiment of evil uttered. Better rethink your game plan on life.
Talamasca: OH! I can see sparkles on that titlel; the title made me interested on reading it! Is the post still accessible?
Believe me, you wouldn’t wanna read that rubbish. lol. Besides, it’s not accessible anymore. So… there.
Seriously, I wanna tackle this entry more. I’m detecting some “Jesus died for our sins” angle here. The one who got shot being Christ and the I’d-rather-spend-my-time-with-my-lovebird beeyotch represents Papa Jesus’ object of salvation… right? Blame my reading comprehension skillzzz if I’m wrong ok!
But anyhow, this is one fierce piece. Good job. More, more!!111
interesting post indeed.
i liked it.
interesting post!
gudluck on your craft dan.
you never fail to surprise you readers!
tc!
Talamasca: Yes, you got the message of the story. It’s like Christ’s death in the modern era. Good comprehension skills, my friend! Bravo!
Paolo: Thanks for the appreciation, Paolo. Hehe. Much appreciated!
Kim: Hey. Long time, no see on Malebolge, buddy! Haha. I thought you’ll never come back.
i tagged you. =P
GUESS WHO!
Well, duh. Of course you know.
HI HYPERTWIN! I MISS YOU SO! =)
Ang tagal na nating hindi nagchachat.
Blame stupid PEE ELL DEE TEE! Stupid. Stupid.
–
Nice, suspenseful way of writing. But I hope you don’t feel this way.. do you?
Chat with you soon, okiii?
Tsk, what perfect timing. I’m off to a coffee shop later to chill and study.
Anyway nice story, Dan. If death was used as a metaphor then I can totally relate to this.
Traaagic ah.
You should’ve used more complications to end the story - para mas humaba siguro, I guess. But this is NICE.
I just wonder why the title?
wow DAN haha ngayon lang ako napadpad sa site mo. it’s nice
got the story alright. another remarkable creation. but why 40 minutes?
FOCK.
That was de Maupassant-y. No, umm…. wait…. I forgot. One word. Wow. Two words. Wow wow.
And you did want to appear that Christ did nothing, eh? Or it’s just me, I guess. Blah. I’m starting to suck at literarisms.
very cool.
Cars: Hello hypertwin. Actually, half of the story is based on what I’m feeling. Half of it is based on Good Friday.
Joe: I hope this story will not be some sort of prophecy for you when you go to the computer shop. Take extra care.
Utakgago: I was supposed to type what happened at around 3:40 PM [the robber gunned down the guy]. So there you go, “40 Minutes After Christ Died”.
Cat: Thanks for dropping by, my friend. Hoping you’ll pass by again.
Arnel: *points response to Utakgago*
Neil: I didn’t want to portray that Jesus Christ did nothing because the story is not entirely based on Good Friday. Just half of it.
Jester Leon: First time visitor, thanks for coming. See you online.
Thanks Dan! *hugs*
the ever creative mr.hellbound. you never fail to amaze me with your writing prowess.
indeed, death is one of the most tragic thing we’d face sometime on our lives.
so, better tell each and every important person on our lives how much important they are,
before it’s too late.
Any update? I’m checking this up daily. Have a nice day!
Wow. Beautifully wrote. Wow. Can’t get over this. Really well wrote.
Death. Nobody knows quite what to think of it. Indeed, we begin to die the second we are born. Our first breath is one closer to our last. The worse kind of death is like what you wrote. Unexpected and no peace at all.
Jed just above there, said ‘before it’s too late’. it’s a song by the Goo Goo Dolls. I love it. Tells us to be ourselves, savour every moment.
You’re all too right. Tell everyone close that you love them, before it is too late. Because one day, it will be.
Your write so amazingly. Thank you for sharing
Love from Imi X
hey man, what’s up?!